Roughly eighteen years ago… (possibly more, possibly less)… I created an email account for my new bike shop. As I was doing everything on the most shoestring of budgets (think twine), I opted to use a generic (and free) Gmail account rather than opt in for some Spectrum (then Time Warner) or AT&T (then Bellsouth) officialness. While I liked the idea of being watts@revolutioncycles.com, and it felt like an easy way of squeezing my 30 year old self into the costume of having my sh*t together, shelling out money for less storage seemed silly. So what we had, and still have to this day is revolutioncyclesnc@gmail.com . It’s fine. It works. It’s great.

As a very official business, I decided to have a very official signature that auto-attached to each email, as one does, and instead of “owner” or “manager” or “president” as my mundane title, I opted for Kwisatz Haderach. It was a dorky Dune reference that I figured at least a few people would catch and appreciate. While it has messianic implications that I didn’t mind playing up in a tongue in cheek way, essentially Kwisatz Haderach means “shortening of the way” and refers to the one who is two places and once. It worked, as I was, and still very much am, all the places at once in the shop. I am the owner, mechanic, accountant, buyer, service writer, marketing manager, content creator, cat herder, provocateur, and mediator.

But all good things eventually age out.

I was born in the mid 70’s which means my core memories are mostly of the 80’s. And David Lynch’s Dune is undoubtedly one of these. Visually it just imprinted itself. I can’t remember half of what I learned in school, but I can pretty much recite that movie word for word and picture it frame for frame.

The fascination with the movie led to a fascination with the books which led to hard sci-fi rabbit holes that I never grew out of. And when I heard they were making new movies and that Denis Villeneuve was at the helm, I was, I admit, pretty excited in ways I don’t get excited about movies anymore. It didn’t disappoint. Oh, I have thoughts, of course… but overall, it was pretty damn good and you should see it. Will it imprint itself on future generations the way the old one did on me? IDK.

But the point is…. my Kwisatz Haderach title is no longer a dorky dated reference to something I grew up with, and only a few people will catch, and is now something timely and modern. So when someone gets an email from me there is every chance that instead of going “Awww. Dune. I remember that,” they will think “Huh. I guess this guy liked that new movie a lot? Weird, but ok.”

So it comes time to retire it. I’d say “reluctantly retire” but I’m not sentimental. (Then why’d you write a blog post about it, moron?) Just lazy in my own ways. Minutely vexed that I have to figure out how I even made an email signature to begin with and edit it. Sheesh. It’s a little death, tbh, and certainly not one that brings total obliteration. (So dramatic)

But the good news is that I now get to revert my signature to my other official title at the shop; yet another dorky dated reference that means nothing to most, but is imprinted on my malleable 80’s psyche in ways I will never fully understand.

Master Blaster.

Embargo… on.